Limerick #12

Limerick #12: There was an Old Man who had pies for eyes

 

There was an Old Man whose eyes were pies,

And when people saw him in the city,

They cried, “Oh my, what a terrible pity!”

So he put on a dark disguise,

This old Man who had pies for eyes.

 

 

 

 

ANIMAL OBSERVATIONS

 

 

You

 Never

See a

Whale

Sitting

On a

 Scale.

You never

See a

Crab

With a lot of

Flab.

You never see

Fish

Dining on

Knish.

You never

See bears

Eating

Eclairs.

You never see

Ants

Putting on

Pants.

You never see

Cobra

Consuming

Okra.

You never see

An iguana

Smoking

Marijuana.

You

 Never

Hear an

Owl

Crying

Foul!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Limerick #11

Limerick #11: There was an Old Man of Belize

 

There was an Old Man of Belize

Who had very hairy knees,

But he hated barbers with noisy shears,

So he got drunk and cried a million tears,

This Old Man of Belize with very hairy knees.

DON’T TEXT WHILE YOU DRIVE

Beneath this
 Road

Mary is
Stowed

Because

She was texting

Instead of

Navigating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I THINK THEREFORE I AM

 

 

 

 

If Rene Descartes

Wasn’t

 Thinking

Was he

 Being?

 

Limerick #10

Limerick #10: There was an Old Lady from Greece

 

There was an Old Lady from Greece

Who lived with lots of wild geese,

But their honking went on without surcease,

So she bought tons of wild goldfish,

*And watched them grow and grow obese.

*And then smoked the pipe of peace.

 

*

 

Limerick #9

Limerick #9: There was a Young Lady from Buchenwald

 

There was a Young Lady from Buchenwald

With an old husband who was quite ribald,

So she shaved all of him until he was bald,

And he swore at the world and his naked head,

Until he had no more air and fell down dead.

Limerick #8

Limerick #8: There was a Lovely Lady from Maine

 

There was a Lovely Lady

From Maine

Who loved to saunter in

The rain,

But one day she felt

A pain

Inside of her

Youthful brain,

And so she boarded a plane and

Flew to Spain.

 

 

Limerick #7

Limerick #7: There once was an Old Woman from Colorado

 

There once was an Old Woman from Colorado,

And she had tattoos that went from head to toe,

But she didn’t ever let them show,

'Til one day a little moth flew into her grotto,

And she flailed her tattoos like a mad Mikado!

Limerick #6

Limerick #6: There was an Old Woman from Oklahoma

There was an Old Woman from Oklahoma,

And she reeked with an atrocious aroma,

But she put on plenty of perfume,

So that others would not swoon,

Or flee from the Old Woman from Oklahoma!

Limerick #5

Limerick #5: There was an Old Man who lived in a tent

There was an Old Man who dwelled in a tent,

And not on your life did he ever pay rent,

But simply smiled at the rat race he left,

And lived with his friendly collie dog Freckles,

Where without clock, wife, or kids he was content! 

 

 

Note: This "lick" is about my grandfather---my dad's side---and it's the unvarnished truth!

 

Limerick #4

Limerick #4: There was an Old Man from Wales

There was an Old Man from Wales,

Who loved to partake of snails,

But he grew tired of removing their shells,

And therefore turned over a new leaf,

And commenced consuming slugs for relief!

Limerick #3

 

Limerick #3: There was a Young Lady of Waterloo

There was a Young Lady of Waterloo,

Who was utterly addicted to glue,

And found herself always getting stuck

In the bed and on the avenue...

Poor, sticky, Young Lady of Waterloo!

Limerick #2

 

Limerick #2: There was a Young Lady of France

There was a Young Lady of France

Who was loath to wear pants;

But there was a deep, dark frost,

And she found out what Freedom cost,

And swore to never be bare by choice or chance.

Limerick #1

Limerick #1: There was a Young Lady of Ham

There was a Young Lady of Ham

Who looked like a lamb,

So she called herself Mary,

And married Uncle Sam,

And sang and sang til’ the cows came home!

BRUISED FACE OF AUTUMN



 

Bruised face of Autumn
Rest under savage
Snow
Sleep long sleep
In winter's
Glow
Spring will softly step
With golden light upon
Thy crimson
Frown.

TO BEE OR NOT TO BEE

A bumblebee is
Not in the bull's eye
At a bullfight,
Nor is the bullfrog
As bulletproof as a Bum who uses his Bumboat,
But a bump in the Road can be a Bummer.
Was a bull snake Ever violet?
Was the bullfinch Ever a Segregationist?
Did Bulwer Lytton Ever have a Bulwark?
Can a bullroarer Stop the chat at A Bull session?
Can a bully bullwhip His burro until it Walks to Bull Run?
Do the Zagros Mountains ever Zigzag across the Blue-dyed sky
Like the lovely blue-Eyed zaftig Ladies Do from Zacatecas?

Mademoiselle Pithecanthropous

On Pitcairn Island

 It was a pitch-dark day
When a pistolier's heart went pitapat
Just before he had his piteous pitchout
With Mademoiselle Pithecanthropous.

This pitchy pitfall
Was About a fight
Over some pita bread---
Who was to eat
And who was not---
Who was to starve and
Who was to be fed.

On Pitcairn Island

 It was a pitch-dark day
When a pistolier's heart went pitapat
Just before he had his pitious pitchout
With Mademoiselle Pithecanthropous.

 

mUsHrOoMs iN tHe SkY HAIKU

 

 

 

 

By ML Squier

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

mUsHrOoMs iN tHe SkY

fLoAtiNg LiKe BiG uFoS

WeRe oNLy PiLeD cLoUdS

 

 

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN

 

A capacious dinosaur

Had a notably loud snore;

A flirtatious peacock

Developed writer’s block;

The loquacious parrot

Swore more often than not,

And lost his train of thought;

The mendacious fox

Consumed tons of flocks;

The salacious baboon

Lived inside a saloon;

The voracious blue whale

Broke wind with a strong gale;

An audacious mouse

Chased the house’s spouse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE SWEET SMELL OF WOOD

    

As I stared down at corn flakes that filled my round
Bowl

I did not know how to remove the

Deep and sharp wood that festered within my
Soul.

An angel outside was playing a sweet harp.

This happened many years ago

But it seems but a day or so.

Now it is time for that long and deep sleep

Away from this life that we want to keep.

Eat that

Final pie

And tell

All Goodbye!

 

---

Asylum

    

Powdery snowflakes
Create

A dancing fog
& trees

(although the sky is gray)

Give this day a precise brightness
No shiny computer will ever see.

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